There are three 'Milestone Women' in my past who I didn't get to date but define my identity and future. The first from 2007 taught me I didn't matter; the second from 2016 took away my ability to trust anyone; I screwed up so badly with the third from 2022, I won't trust myself not to ruin everything with anyone else. It was entirely my fault for liking them in the first place and earning their disdain - 'moving on' is not an option because that would demonstrate that I didn't learn a lesson.